Desirability converts ordinary choices into status reports other people read about themselves. Your yes feels like a promotion they can flaunt. Your no feels like a downgrade they need to defend against. In that environment, every boundary you set becomes emotionally loud, even when you whisper it.

our systems don’t actually understand happiness. They understand compliance. They understand visibility. But they don’t know how to ask whether someone’s life contains any reason to feel good—not abstractly, but concretely. They mistake survival for health. And they mistake emotional numbing for success.